Three years ago today was the most difficult and emotional
day of our life. We had no idea what the future held for our family and all we
had was hope. We handed our 6 week old baby over to one of the most amazing and
talented men I have ever come across in my life. Dr. Emani was getting ready to
fix Molly’s broken heart. Her heart was stopped, her body was cooled and the
miracle began. Molly had already fought so hard in such a short period of time
and now we were asking her to fight the biggest fight of her life. We didn’t
know if she had it in her but we hoped. Giving up and losing this battle was
never an option for the 3 of us. Jay & I never discussed “what if she
doesn’t make it” because we knew that she would never give up. We knew that she
was in the greatest hands of all and this was what she needed and where she
needed to be.
We arrived at the hospital around 6:30am on June 25, 2010.
We joked to keep the mood light. Then everyone started to arrive and prep her
to go downstairs. I could feel a lump in my throat, knots in my stomach and my
heart started to race. I started getting scared and tried to fight back
tears. We stepped back and watched them
get her ready and answered any last minute questions they may have had. They
started wheeling her out of her room and we followed with tears in our eyes,
sobbing the entire way down. We walked her down to the OR and kissed her
goodbye, knowing that could’ve been the last time we saw her eyes open. Dr.
Emani was our only hope for a life with our baby. We sat in the waiting room with our parents
for over 8 hours waiting to hear that she was OK. She was done. She was alive.
We received vague updates from the OR nurse…she’s on bypass, the incision has
been made, she’s off bypass, etc. Nothing concrete. We had no idea how the
surgery was going, how she was doing. Finally, we saw Dr. Emani walking towards
us. We were trying to read his expression as he walked towards us but he just
looked exhausted. She had made it out of surgery and her chest was left open.
She was very very sick and needed to be put on bypass early. He went over
everything he did to her heart but never gave us a prognosis and we didn’t want
one. We would just have to wait and see how she did and that’s what we did. We
were able to go up and see her in about a half hour or so. We didn’t allow any
visitors while her chest was open. We didn’t think anyone needed to see her
like that and we didn’t want to risk her passing any germs to her while she was
so critical. We didn’t even take a picture of her while her chest was open. I
know some people do but it’s not anything I ever care to see again in my life
time. The next 24-48 hours were critical. She did OK during the critical period
but had a very difficult time recovering. The road was long, hard and very
dark. She was having huge blood pressure
swings, very high heart rate, etc. One of the sutures had given way on her
mitral valve which is what we had feared from doing this surgery too soon but
we didn’t have a choice. This is what she needed. She ended up back in the OR 2
weeks later to have her mitral valve repaired and have a pacemaker implanted.
The next 6 months were so difficult. They were exhausting,
emotional, financially draining, physically impossible but we made it through
and are better, more appreciative people because of it. We cherish every single
day that we have with Molly and we never dreamed that she would be as healthy
and happy as she is today. We know that we will probably see the inside of the
CICU again one day but we are not in a hurry to get there and I know Molly
feels the same way. We are grateful for our experience but are so much happier
that it’s behind us. We know that without Dr. Emani, the CICU doctors and our
friends that were once only a nurse to us, Molly wouldn’t be as healthy as she
is right at this moment. When we do the NStar Walk for Boston Children’s
Hospital, our goal is to raise $750 so that we can become Miracle Makers when
in fact the true Miracle Makers are the ones behind the doors of Children’s
Hospital. Without them, I don’t know where we would be but we are beyond
grateful for all that they do for us, for Molly and for every other little one
that they treat. Not every outcome is a positive one but even if they can give
a parent 10 days with their baby or child, that’s 10 more days than they would
have had and that means the world to a family. So here we are, 3 years later
and loving every second of our life together. Sure times are tough but the good
outweigh the bad and we love that little more than we could ever love anything.
Every day is a celebration but days like today are reminders, reality checks,
of how life could have been. It’s a reminder of what we have been through and
what we may go through again one day. We don’t wish days along anymore. We live
in the moment and are slowly learning to plan for the future again. Everything
that we have been through has made us appreciate our life, and of course Molly,
that much more. It is so heartwarming to see her grow, learn and just be a
happy kid! Thank you for always being a part of our journey. We would not have
made it this far without your words of encouragement, shoulder to cry on or
your love for our family!
A week ago!
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