When Molly was in the hospital Jay and I had a great outlook on life. We had figured out what is important, what is worth fighting for, fighting about, who is important and what really mattered. The longer Molly is home, the harder it is to remember those things. We are slowly slipping back to the way we used to think. It's harder to let the stupid stuff go. It's harder to not complain about the small things but I think I got a little bit of that back today. Molly & I took a trip into Children's today to visit with some fellow heart moms. After talking with them it took me right back to where we were 2 years ago. I was able to remember that there is so much more to life than complaining about Early Intervention or having to get up in the middle of the night because Molly is having a nightmare because there was a time when I couldn't comfort her when she had a nightmare. Now if I can just remember that at 2 am :) Months would go by when I couldn't hold her because she wasn't stable enough to be moved. Now I can't even imagine not being able to pick her up when she wants me or needs me. Every night I rock her to sleep. It's a pattern that we have gotten into and it works for us. She doesn't take a nap all day so usually around 7 she starts to get tired. She will start handing me random toys and I know she's tired and is trying to fight it by handing me a Lego or a block. So she grabs her blankie and climbs up on my lap while I hum "Row row row your boat" and she falls asleep. I carry her upstairs and put her to bed. Tonight I didn't want to put her down. I was thinking about all that she had been through and all of the times I couldn't hold her. All of the "close calls" that we had and all of the times that I thought that I would never have that moment. Good thing she's really heavy because I would've sat there all night with her. She struggles developmentally but honestly if she stayed the exact way she is right now forever I would be happy. I don't care if she doesn't walk or talk. I will carry her for as long as she needs me to. I don't care if I have to get up for her 100 times a night. She's worth it. I don't care if I have to take her to 10 different specialists. At least there are specialists to help her. There isn't a thing we wouldn't do for her. I just want to give her the best life we can while keeping her the healthiest we can keep her. Sometimes it's not easy and we have to pass on a lot of functions, parties and events but she is more important. It gets especially difficult this time of year.
Molly is doing really well. She went trick or treating and loved it. We brought her wagon because she's so heavy. Unfortunately once we took her out of it she didn't want to go back in. She's pulling herself up on everything. Her foot turns in less but it's still doing it. She is taking better steps when we walk with her. Unfortunately she's afraid of the walker now so we just walk with her while holding her hands. She is growing up so fast and getting so big and I love every second of it. We are looking forward to the holidays and hoping she can stay out of the hospital this year since she ended up there last Thanksgiving. That is my only hope for the rest of this year and every year to come!
Thank you for always caring!
Kerry
This is the story of a brave little lady that started her life in a unique way. Her courageous start has paved the way for her to touch the lives of wonderful and supportive people and do amazing things with her life!
Molly is my inspiration almost every day... It's easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day irritations, and so hard to remember what's really important. I remember wanting to not be pregnant anymore and now I'd do anything to have my sweet little girl inside of me again; totally protected against the outside world.
ReplyDeleteYou have an incredible outlook.